I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
