You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
