She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
