Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
