I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
