just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Terrible idea I love it
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
