You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
