oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
