The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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