ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
