Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
