You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
