After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
