Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
