What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
