3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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