Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
did i just pee glitter
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
