youre lurking in front of me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
