i jhust puked up my retainher.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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