he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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