clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
