Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
