just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
high people should be assigned attendants
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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