i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
