In America we eat man semen.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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