mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
