i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
