She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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