you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
