If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
