dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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