At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
