I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
