I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
