Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
