i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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