Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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