I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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