Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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