I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
