Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
