If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
