Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He did a backflip because drugs
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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