me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
