worst night to have a conscience
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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