i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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