last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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