And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
