You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
