Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
