He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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