the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Found the puke drawer
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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