i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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