As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
